Love Not Lipo ... Live a Little, Love a Lot

It is not a coincidence or cause for concern that I haven’t written since (ugh) February 3rd!  In fact let me just clear the air and say I haven’t worked out in a week either!  This is one of those rare and special times when my goals were trumped temporarily by a new and broader goal.  10 days ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop with my mom, with the intention of just catching up, and being a support to one another on the various projects we’re working.  My mom was telling me about the new nutrition and wellness products that her company Arbonne had launched, and some of her plans regarding the marketing of this amazing line.

Have you ever had an experience where you suddenly feel incredibly connected to your center?  The noise around you starts to fade out, your mind begins to turn, your thoughts start to clear up to an incredible focus, and you know a new truth?  Well this is what happened to me, and it suddenly dawned on me.  O..m…g…, why was I not ready for this sooner?  For whatever reason, it is only now abundantly clear that being involved in this company is exactly what I need.

training day

In the last two years, I have been blessed by a journey of determining who I truly am at my core, what my professional goals are, but more importantly, what my philosophy of life is, and how that infuses the choices that I make in what I say to people and how I spend my time every day.  Since a windy October afternoon last fall, I have walked around with the voice of Arbonne President Rita Davenport echoing in my head and guiding my personal and professional practice.  And until last Sunday, I was unconscious of the fact that that this speech had propelled and fine tuned my belief that people succeed and find joy, abundance, and total fulfillment when they live a life of self care, discipline, and above all else, service and generosity to others.

It may sound rather silly to you that I am asserting that an anti aging skin care and wellness product line is the foundation of this emotional decision in my life; But it’s actually incredibly symbolic, because the philosophy of not just the business, but the actual products themselves are in direct line with my core beliefs that inform my life every day:  1) lovingly providing your body with the purest and healthiest ingredients is the absolute basic first step in radiating the love, energy, and generosity of spirit that brings one utter fulfillment.  2) you will always succeed in life when your mission is sharing the message of possibility, promise, hope, and empowerment.

Why ever would I not want to be part of a company where this is literally what they stand for?

my new bosses

In every free moment of my already very full life, I have spent the last 10 days immersing myself in both the products and the business and I have never felt more connected and alive then I do at this moment.  And the biggest irony, is that this has been a helluva week in terms of life fiascoes being thrown at me in every direction.  I feel that I’m glowing from the inside.  I am hydrated, and nourished, and my fine lines are dissolving right before my very eyes!  Body image issues/compulsive is the last thing on my mind…there is just no room for toxicity like that when your heart is full.

I have always been aversive to the sales industry, and never in a million years thought I would go that route.  The reason being, was simple:  I have a core belief that authenticity and truth is the only solution…But when you have fallen in love with a product and you talk about it, it is no longer “sales,” it is bestowing beautiful, life changing information.

Why it was last Sunday that the message connected, I’ll probably never know.  But I am eternally humbled and awestruck by the plans that unceasingly roll out in front of me, with their mysterious and interwoven complexities, when all I do is quite simply continue to show up every day, put one foot in front of the other, with the goal of being the best woman I can be.

Thanks to the “recalibration session,” yesterday was a total success!  Actually, not only did the day turn out rewarding and exciting, it actually opened up some new doors for me that I will share more about in the upcoming months after I work out some details.  What I can share about now is the delicious food I prepared for the week:

Breakfast: Honey Greek Yogurt with Walnuts, Coconut, and Banana for breakfast…

Broccoli “Pasta” with sauteed mushrooms, feta, parsley, and ground chicken meatballs for lunch…

An Ezekial Cinnamon Raisin Flourless Sprouted Grain English Muffin (chewy, dense, and YUMMY!!!!) with 1 Tbsp Almond Butter for snack…

For dinner I had essentially the same thing as lunch, but with big green garlic olives, feta, and parsley…

Mixed Berry Soy smoothie with cinnamon and stevia for desert! 

After I finished making all this, I raced off to Albany to make it to Fleet Feet in time to get fitted for my sneakers.  The customer service was amazing, and my buddy Max not only used one of these: (1982 throwback)

He observed me walk on a tiny indoor track, and then watched me run on a treadmill to see how my feet strike the ground.  Based on these assessments, he explained to me in lingo I did not retain the reasons why he was about to pick the shoes he picked.  He brought out three pairs, and we scrutinized each, one at a time.  After walking around and running on the treadmill for all 3, we finally ruled out the Adidas, the Asics, and settled on the winner, the Saucony Progrid Omni 9.   

They are far more sturdy feeling than my Nike Shox, and were the least “intrusive” of the three that I tried.  Max told me that the sneakers that you can feel the least, are the best choice.  It feels so reassuring to know I have footwear that is appropriate for my particular body.  Inspired by the whole process, and having met another one of my New Years Goals, I decided it was indicated to splurge a little more and buy some new running clothes.

When I was checking out, another really nice kid asked me “are you training for a race m’aam?”  How good do you think it felt to say, “well, I’m gonna run a half marathon in September.”

2 years ago I would have never believed you if you told me I was gonna have this experience.  Life is so funny.

I left the store feeling motivated and inspired, the perfect “refresh” I have been needing in my life lately.  I raced up to Clifton Park to meet my mom at an adorable place she’d suggested Mocha Lisa’s.  How have I not heard of this place??  I will certainly be bringing my honey back here for an inexpensive cozy date some lazy weekend afternoon. 

Well we had a lovely time, and definitely got each other inspired on some things to come…let’s just say it’s the next major step in my journey.   Stay tuned!!!!

I did not consciously realize why I didn’t tell you about this before, until tonight.  A couple months ago I met my new Doctor, Diane MacDonnell at North Country Holistic Health.  I even took this picture with the intention of blogging about what a great experience it was getting to know Dr. MacDonnell and her holistic practice.   My search for finding the right doctor, and the bumps and scrapes I went through along the way is another story for another time, but I’ve finally found her, and I think I know the reason I waited so long to get into it.  Dr. MacDonnell made a number of suggestions, many of which I have taken, but there was one I was not willing to take: my eating plan.

For the last six weeks I have eaten what I was considering to be a pretty perfect diet, and my connectedness and follow through with running has been at an all time high, and yet the scale hovered up and down, stuck in the same three pound range.  My positive mental and spiritual energy did a decent job warding off the fear and negative self talk that inevitably comes creeping around at times like these, and I made a plan I feel good about to move my weigh-ins to once a month.   

However, there are some undeniable facts remaining.  I am not losing the weight at the rate that it seems that I should be considering my caloric intake and intense level of activity.  My doctor made a suggestion about a diet she thinks would be helpful, not only for weight loss, but for recalibrating my damaged metabolism, and achieving overall optimal quality of life.  Ultrametabolism.  I bought the book, read it, and was left feeling overwhelmed by the sacrifices and commitment the diet requires.  So for the last couple months I opted not to follow it, pretended that the conversation with my doctor never happened, yet was left with nagging thoughts about my metabolism being in a rut and my reliance on certain types of foods.  I wondered, how can we ever really complain about our outcomes if we are still unwilling to go to any lengths to make change that we say we desperately want? 

I met a gorgeous brunette named Lisa this weekend.  This tall and athletic woman with shiny hair, and flawless skin described to me her complex nutritional needs based on a doctor prescribed eating plan tailored to her body type.  She told me about overcoming her battle with laxative abuse, Bulimia, and how she ultimately lost 60 pounds following this specific food plan.  When she outlined for me the details of what she eats and doesn’t eat, I was stunned, wondering how she could possibly tolerate being this limited and regimented.  However Lisa went on to tell me something that may just change my life, if I can manage to stay connected to her sentiment as I am right now.  She said “The pain and deprivation is not about the food.  The struggle exists only in not accepting my reality.  Once I just accepted, this is the way I may have to eat to get the outcomes I say I want, the pain melted away, and was replaced with the joy of freedom from my war with food.”      

My life is a process.  I do not believe in “get thin quick” schemes, nor is my life focus about being skinny.  For the last 15 years or so, I have slowly modified my existence, with the goal of becoming a more whole, and healthier woman, one teeney step at a time.  When I actually stop and look at the package of growth and change produced by all of those baby steps added together, I am truly astounded by what I see.  So I’m writing tonight to tell you that I guess I’m ready to take another step.

Stay tuned for my account of phase 1, Ultrametabolism Detox….

I believe it did all lead up to this day. What brought me here, was a culmination of many years of hurt, suffering, fear, perseverance, courage, and open mindedness. And why the hell July 5, 2010 is the day it all changed, is beyond me. This blog will pick up today on a journey that has already been in process for a long time, but the real hook here, the real crazy part, is that here in my first blog post ever, I am predicting that my merciless battle with my weight will resolve itself from this point forward, starting today. It is my realization on this beautifully unbearable hot July day, as I walked in tandem with my stepfather down a bustling village street, that my pain and suffering are over for good. The details of the healing and the weight loss will unfold itself in each post moving forward, but I can give you the short answer today of how it will happen. Love.

If it possible for a baby to be born an addict, I was that baby. One time my mother told me that the nurse handed me to her for the first time, swaddled in an aqua blanket, mouth rhythmically and desperately sucking, before it had ever made first contact with the breast. That sense of urgency has been woven into my very fibers since that first day here on earth, and Food and I have done this dance ever since. By the sixth grade I had seen nutritionists, guidance counselors, and doctors and was familiar with the caloric content of most foods, carbohydrate exchanges, where I fell on the height/weight chart (off the chart for weight, middle of the road for height) the impact of hydration on weight loss, my feelings about other kids’ feelings about my weight, and the benefits of roasted chicken as compared to processed sandwich meats.

My weight has soared up the scale and plummeted down, often within the same week. I have gone days without eating, and I have consumed at least 5,000 calories in one sitting. One particularly startling snapshot in time involved a weekend excursion to Martha’s Vineyard. I left Friday, and returned to NY on Monday with a sun burn and a 14 pound weight gain as a souvenir. My penance for this debauchery always involved “cleansings” that essentially involved several days of food deprivation, water binges, purges, and starvation induced dizziness as a measure of success. Food was my first and deepest love, although many other addictions followed in close succession.

Through grueling work, I have slowly untangled myself from this web of dependence, and left behind some very dark chapters. It is only now that I feel I am truly ready to be set free from the grip that food still has on me. Although my eating behaviors much more appropriate at this point in my life, I belief I have held on to the last 50 or so pounds as a symbol of my inability to completely emancipate myself from my co-dependent relationship with food, and fully embrace the essence of the woman I was born to be. I invite you on this journey with me as I say “goodbye” by choosing everyday to love myself more than I love the food. By doing simply this, I predict this weight will finally vanish once and for all. This is a bold and very public hypothesis from a girl who has tried fifty other ways to lose this weight before she was ready.