Wedding part III: The Conclusion

Friday, Nov. 2nd 2012

When we exited the church, we greeted all our guests in the receiving line, and laughed about the firetrucks and the gunshots.

 

 

 

Then most of our guests went back up to the inn for a cocktail party, while Todd, Jake and me, and my parents and siblings, stayed for photos behind the church. I sent Jake to the front of the church to get my sister and law and mother-in-law, and was crushed to learn that Todd hadn’t realized what we were doing and sent his mom, sister, and nephews back up to the inn, so they are unfortunately missing from this beautiful photo series. :(

How could I have forgotten to include in the previous post details about one of my most favorite moments of my wedding day preparations…when my extraordinarily talented florist, Nancy Bishop, presented me with the bouquet of all bouquets a little while before I left for the church. Never before have I seen a bouquet of such splendor, nor has anyone ever been able to take a picture from my mind coupled with a rudimentary description, and turn it into something that surpassed my vision. Remember, I often have serious problems with managing expectations.

 

I start off with the flowers, because moving into the description of the rest of the evening is absolutely built upon and around the tremendous creativity and perfection of Nancy and her team’s work. Even Nancy’s husband and his partner who I met at sunrise before my run this morning made me feel just so…..special. Like I was the only bride on earth!!

I walked up to the path to join the rest of our party, and met this gorgeous surprise along the pathway.

I will have to wait for the photographer to give me the rest of the photos in hopes that it even come close to adequately capturing the beauty of this wedding decor, but here are a couple snap shots that may give somewhat of a sneak peak. Again, Nancy Bishop nailed my vision. Un-effing-believable.

 

My wedding had a perfect toast from my father and my maid of honor….

A perfect first dance with my husband, who picked out the song his self, and sang it to me the whole time.

And a perfect platform to express love that sometimes goes unexpressed at other times.

The band played at my college graduation, and came full circle to my wedding day. How lucky am I to have a BFF with a rock star for a father with a band called Blue Hand Luke. And how lucky am I that even the band let the day be about me, and rock it out like the old days. My husband has never really seen me party, (likely not a coincidence why he ended up being my husband) but  think he got a sneak peak on our wedding night of what his lady is really capable of under all that sobriety and spirituality!

 

We danced and danced and sang and sang. Just when we thught the music was really over, another song started and I got back on the mic. My friend Marlena affectionately yelled out from among the crowd listlessly sitting along the perimeter of the dancefloor, I on the stage, ”it’s the wedding that never ends!” and I started laughing my ass off. It still makes me laugh just typing it out.

You know I could gush about my wedding on and on, and I wish I could say I am now done posting pictures of it and will go back to my fitness regimens etc. but I know myself well enough to not be able to resist a few more when the photographer gives us our photos. Hopefully my readers can put up with me.

Every person thinks their wedding is the best…because it is! When you are true to yourself and what is important to you, your wedding is an expression of your soul, and therefore no one elses wedding could be better than yours. Although there was no single solitary detail I would have changed from the food, to the flowers, to the music, to the church, it was the outpouring of love and joy around us that stunned and overwhelmed me. I begin to cry every time I think about it.

So in conclusion, this is not a conclusion. Love and joy are forever if we choose to impart it every single day. Our wedding was such a reminder to Todd and me of the precious, fleeting miracle that is our existence on this earth. And with this reminder, we commit to reflecting our love back to all the mirrors around us.

Going to the Chapel….

Thursday, Nov. 1st 2012

It was somewhat remarkable the way it came full circle and the people who were left at the fire the latest, were my childhood friends and my immediate family, and we brought the night to a close reminiscing and telling the best stories that never get old no matter how many times you tell them. Todd and I gave each other a good bye kiss for it was the last time the two of us would see each other before we met at the altar. Todd stole away to an adjoining teeny bedroom with a twin bed, and after dropping off his wedding present and card where he would find it when he woke up, I snuggled into the luxurious bed of the master suite. I felt shockingly relaxed  and calm, before drifting off to sleep around midnight, dreaming of what the next day would bring.

Just as I had planned, as part of my wedding morning safety plan (Michelle Clark, that’s for you) I set out for an early morning run in the trails behind the inn. I had not yet seen a soul, and from my perch high on the hill above the property, I surveyed all the beauty, love, and family below me.

 

 

After my run, I came up the walkway to join my family and friends in the dining room for breakfast. Todd had been whisked away to an upstairs bedroom so he would not cross paths with me. Later he told me that he was sitting in a chair in this bedroom right above the front door to the inn and could hear my uncle Lynd coming back outside to tell me that he went in and double checked, and Todd was truly nowhere to be seen.

After breakfast, I went up to the absolutely gorgeous suite in which I was staying, to get ready. What I can tell you is that this was a quiet, calm, serene, and essentially holy experience for me. It was one of the best pieces of bridal advice I ever received, to surround myself with people who possess the type of energy  that you want to feel on your wedding day, so you soak it up like a sponge. I felt loved and supported in a quiet spiritual kind of way. Even my photographer fit right into that vibe. Think about the word chaos for a minute….what I felt while I got ready that morning was the polar opposite of that word.

 

When we were all ready and dressed, I looked out the window and caught a glimpse below of my husband to be, stepson to be, and brother from the back, walking out to the car to head to the church, and tears unwillingly sprung to my eyes. “Oh Lynelle! I accidentally saw Todd, and I’m starting to get emotional!” I said.

At 4pm, my brother Paul pulled up behind the  house where no one could see us, and George took some more pictures of us before we went to the church. This private few moments in time I will treasure forever.

When we arrived at the church, as if arriving for your marriage ceremony is not surreal enough, there was fire truck parked out side, a huge bonfire, and gunshots going off in the field next to the church. To this day, I have no idea why any of those things were occurring, but it was funny and bizarre and a cause for many many laughs throughout the rest of the weekend!!

This beautiful sight awaited me at the door to the church:

Once everyone was settled. Lynelle fluffed my train, I heard Pachelbell begin, Maegan walked out into the congregation, I took a deep shaky breath and tried to compose the tears fighting to pour out, Lynelle smiled at me, then walked away and I was alone. Oh my goodness…. this ceremony…. this perfect ceremony for which no words are adequate.

 

When I turned around and faced this teeny church bursting at the seams with people who loved us, people literally started laughing out loud at the size of my smile. I did not know joy like this existed.

To be continued….

 

 

 

 

Posted by Love Hungry | in abundance, change, Uncategorized, wedding | 4 Comments »

Bliss.

Wednesday, Oct. 31st 2012

At last it was time to cozy up at home and focus solely on preparing for the big day. It was finally here. finally.

I baked Pumpkin Oatmeal Butterscotch Chocolate Chip Cookies for the gift baskets. Since so many people asked, I will tell you that all I did was follow the “vanishing oatmeal cookies” recipe under the lid of the Quaker Oats box, and replaced the raisins with Butterscotch and Chocolate Chips, and added 1 cup of canned pumpkin (to a tripled recipe.)

 

I wrapped presents for our wedding party and my parents…

and packed all my stuff with no help from my step-cat.

I found myelf feeling a little bit lonely in the couple days leading up to my wedding. I had a lot to do, and I was very independent, and Todd was very quiet and in his own world. I started second guessing my dress, focusing on my figure flaws, and wondering if I should have lost more weight, or come up with a different dress solution. I tried to remember what wise women friends told me… that this type of obsessive focus on the minutiae is never what is truly bothering you. In hindsight I think that a lot of what I was feeling was fear. Fear that all of this planning and excitement would not live up to my high expectations as has happened to me so many times in my life before. Without the distraction of lots of other people, I was left with a gnawing anxiety-driven emptiness.

However, finally when it was time to drive to Vermont, the landscape I have driven past countless times filled me with the same sense of calm it always does…however this time I was saying to myself, “Oh my God, this is the last time I will make this drive as an unmarried woman. I am getting married tomorrow!!”

Once I got to the inn, the guests started arriving. The kids were bonding already, and people began to acclamate and the energy began to hum.

 

Todd and I both started to come back to center, and emotionally connect with exactly why we’re here.

We went up to the church for our rehearsal, which was more exciting and hillarious than I would have ever predicted. When we returned, the dining room at the inn was set up for a beautiful welcome dinner for my family.

The night was an Italian feast filled with toasts, revelry, and reconnecting with loved ones.

my daddy and me

my dad and his brothers

 

my aunts and cousin

my dad's BFF's

 

my big brother

And the many tears I shed throughout the weekend began with the toasts that night….

my step father

I have never been wrapped up in so much love.

 

And my husband, well my fiance at the time, spoke his words of love by actually concluding with one of the greatest quotes from one of the greatest movies of all time.

We ended the night with a bonfire and s’mores. The night time pictures came out kinda funky because of flash issues,

But here’s what the fire pit looks like, taken in the daylight:

It was hard to imagine that the with how amazing I was already feeling at the time, that the wedding had not even happened yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Love Hungry | in abundance, family, gratitude, Uncategorized, wedding | 2 Comments »

Things I’m Doing and Feeling Lately…

Wednesday, Oct. 24th 2012

I am laying in my bed with my cup of coffee, pumpkin candle burning on my night stand, the orange leaves outside my bedroom window pop against the charcoal grey October early morning Sky. Today is the first day of my vacation. The vacation that includes my wedding day. Today I begin the official preparation for the happiest day of my life.

In the organized chaos that has been my life for the last few months, I have not updated this online diary to capture the love and beauty around me this season. But let me tell you, there has been plenty of it. If there is one thing I have done right in my wedding planning process, it has been to have the presence of mind to focus on the people and things that I love, and immerse myself in gratitude. There is no way to avoid all stress when planning a wedding, but whatever you focus on you manifest. So I have effectively chosen to manifest joy, versus stress, by focusing on the joyful parts.

I always wonder if the tone in my blog comes through as so positive that it sounds as though my life is without pain, or stress. I am not devoid or immune to pain or stress. There have definitely been some low-points over this process. I’ve even lost some very very special people along the way. Weddings have an amazing way of highlighting what and whom is missing, and forcing you to look at relationships and dynamics that we can normally ignore in the banality of routine. I was making a list last night before bed, and realized I was writing on the back pages of an old journal, so I decided to read a few pages of my past, as I plan my future. I was struck by how unhappy and uncomfortable in my skin I was on page after page of my past. A dear friend reminded me yesterday that “we are just human, and no matter what little sidesteps there are, we’re always moving forward.” So true! Although the road has been long, windy, and sometimes rocky, I continued to move forward slowly but surely, even when I got off track. I firmly believe that my heart is bursting with joy at this chapter in my life simply because I kept working on myself and stringing together tiny successes until I put together a pretty nice life for myself. I am so glad I have reminders like my old journals to show me how far I’ve come, and to keep the inevitable disappointments and imperfections in their proper perspective.

There are so many photos in my camera I have to resist posting, for I really want to save most wedding details for the wedding. But the last few months have been filled with many adventures. My mom and I, transported by my stepfather who is arguably the greatest sport on the planet, made many trips to New York to work on the construction of my dress. We shopped and ate amazing food, and learned more about the fashion design process then I ever could have imagined prior. Crystal and Claudia the seamstress/designers were absolutely phenomenal, I am pretty low on the totem pole in the context of their normal clientele (see pictures below.)

It was a fabulous creative process, and a memory I will treasure forever. When we went to pick up the dress on Saturday, we had some belly laughs at the macabre packing job of the dress, stuffed in tissue paper and zipped into a body bag of sorts.

 

Yup, my girl made this, and I touched it

Some other memories:

Todd and my trip to Vermont to get our wedding license and meet with our beloved Pastor to prepare for our ceremony…

 

 

This is Todd and me outside the Arlington VT town hall getting our marriage license. Norman Rockwell lived and painted for many years in Arlington, and I thought it was so touching to see this print hanging in the town hall:

"The Marriage License" by Norman Rockwell

 

 

We had tux fittings…

 

 

Makeovers and photo shoots:

 

 

As if there wasn’t enough fun already, there were special babies born amidst all this!!

One of them being my maid of honors!! :

Things I’m Loving Lately

Monday, Oct. 1st 2012

Fall is just not fall without my lusting after Ralph Lauren….

The only thing that’s almost as fun as planning my own wedding is looking at other people’s cool interpretations of their special day…

And in case anyone is feeling like they need a little hint….I pay special tribute to the classic brides:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Love Hungry | in abundance, fashion, obsession, Uncategorized, wedding | 2 Comments »

Contrast

Tuesday, Sep. 4th 2012

This has been a very full summer. Full of activity, full of challenges, and full of wonderful experiences that I will never forget. I predicted that 2012 was going to be the best year of my life, and so far I am correct. This weekend is the one year anniversary of Todd and my engagement. A lot has happened in one year, but it has flown by, and now our wedding is very near. I have never felt so sure and focused about the purpose and the course of my life, as I do at this point. I will refrain from posting pictures of my dressing fittings, although is so unbelievably tempting. As if getting married is not fun enough, the presents have been rolling in! I had my family shower, and it is just overwhelming the generosity and love all around me.

Getting all new stuff, appliances, dishes, linens, inspired me to purge my kitchen, junk drawers and closets, and replace with organization and new beautiful things.

And my mind was blown when I received 4 of these beautiful Adirondack chairs from my beloved aunt, uncle, and cousins just in time for enjoying my back yard during the best time of the year, late summer and early fall.

I spent hours in these chairs on this beautiful late summer morning working on our wedding readings and vows. I will refrain from getting into how emotional I was doing it…since Todd already made fun of me once.

For Labor Day weekend, we packed it. On Saturday morning we went to Saratoga and picked up our wedding bands that had finally come in.

Then we went for a quick trip up to Gloucester, MA to see my dad and brother, and some of the rest of the family at a seaside barbecue.

The next morning we raced home to make it just in time for this beautiful girl’s wedding on Crystal Lake. What a perfect day! Even more fun and emotional watching a wedding when you know you’re own is right around the corner.

When we got home from the wedding, this was waiting in our mailbox. (I asked my mom to mail me one so I could experience it in its entirety.)

This morning when I woke up, I thought I may be too overwhelmed thinking about all the things I had to do to prepare for the week, after travelling all weekend, but I’m so glad I decided to sit outside and work on a grocery list and meal planning first, then join my dear friend for a lovely late summer drive, antiquing, and a country breakfast.

We were back from Greenwich by early afternoon, and I hit the market and bought all my “clean eating” ingredients for the week, and the flowers I had been longing for, and came home and got right down to flower arranging, prepping and cooking.

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My body is pretty much in a maintenance phase right now, as the dress has been perfectly fitted to my current specifications, and does look pretty damn good as it is, if I do say so myself. So pretty much what I’ve been doing with my food plan, is eating clean Sunday through Thursday, with some special treats in moderation on Friday and Saturday. This type of eating pretty much seems to be a very slow downward trend on the scale, or maintenance. and is a very comfortable and fulfilling lifestyle for me. With more excercise, I think there would be more weight loss. This week, it’s all about the exercise because I quite simply have not been getting enough. 2-3 times per week is not cutting it.

The menu this week is as follows:

Breakfast: banana grain smoothie- 1 frozen banana, 1 scoop of Arbonne protein powder, chocolate or vanilla depending on my mood, cinnamon, 1 Tbsp flax meal, 1Tbsp wheat germ.

Mid morning snack: Kale chips

Lunch: overnight oats in a jar- unsweetened vanilla almond milk, old fashioned oats, craisins, chia seeds, and almond butter.

Afternoon snack: hard boiled egg and a green apple (boring, no picture necessary.)

Dinner: power wrap- ezekial whole grain wrap, stuffed with zucchini hummus, oven roasted zucchini and eggplant, fresh basil leaves, and poached chicken.

Desert: cut up strawberries, and a pumpkin dark chocolate craisin cookie.

A wedding, like any other profound milestone, brings into sharpest focus the details of our choices, our surroundings, and the individuals that dot the landscape of our lives. On most days, I choose to share in my blog the beauty and abundance around me, because I notice that I function best in my life while looking through this lens. As Dickens famously put it, It is the Best of Times, and It is the Worst of Times. There is a great deal of suffering around me today, and I never forget those who are hurting, you know who you are, and my heart hurts with you. All I can control is to never stop working to evolve into the strongest woman I can be, so I can be of best service to others.

For today, I am grateful for the gift of the air in my lungs, and the opportunity to live another 24 on this glorious earth.

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Bras, Boobs, Bathing Suits, and Boldness

Sunday, Aug. 12th 2012

It was a good technique declaring that I was going to have a good workout, because that I did! It felt like I walked into an oven when I left my house to drive to the gym, so I welcomed the chill of the AC when I entered Global, and I was immediately glad I decided to go to the gym versus run at the high school track which had been my original plan. I started with uphill intervals. 1.5 minutes of running at 5.5 mph on a 7.0 incline, then drop to 4.5 mph on 0.0 incline for a 1.5 minute recovery. After 20 minutes of this cycle, I got on the stairmill and did 20 minutes of level 4, climbing two steps instead of one, for another 20 minutes. When I was finished, I was drenched with sweat, although feeling pretty good cardio-wise, as opposed to last week when I pretty much felt like I was gonna die at the end. It’s such an interesting thing to me how the “hardness” of cardio workouts just come and go seemingly arbitrarily. I moved on to do chest and shoulders, and lifted for about 40 minutes, focusing more on chest with 3 sets of 6 different moves, and then 3 sets of two different shoulder moves. I wrapped up with 50 squats with a 25 pound bar bell on my back, 50 leg extensions, 50 hamstring extensions, and 10 pushups.

I came home feeling far more hopeful and more on top of my goals, even in the midst of my inexplicable 1 pound weight gain the day before. When I got to the front door I noticed that a package had come. I was excited to see that my new bathing suit had arrived the I ordered for my honeymoon. I tracked down on ebay what I hoped to be the perfect black spanx bathing suit, for more than half off brand new!! It was somewhat of a gamble because I can’t really return it, but I tend to have a good sense of what will look good on me and what won’t, so it was worth the risk. Against my better judgement I decided to try it on post shower, even though my skin was wet and would work against me. I again hesitated when I looked at the tag which said “This bathing suit may be hard to get on, but it will be worth it” or something like that. It was definitely hard to get on, in the sense that I felt that it was my second interval workout of the day. To add insult to injury, it definitely wasn’t worth it once the workout was over. This is what it is was supposed to look like:

I am not posting a picture of what it actually looked like because 1) I forgot to take a picture, and 2) (the more honest reason) Even I have a limit in the arena of self disclosure and vulnerability.

However, several days later, I received another bathing suit in the mail. It cost only $11, and because it came all the way from Japan, I had ordered it so long ago, I had completely forgotten about it. How this retro pinup beauty of a bathing suit dress was only $11, I’ll never know, but I love it! The best part about it is that I can walk around the resort in it as if it is a dress, and then spontaneously jump in the ocean!!

 

To delve deeper into the topic of jiggle binding textiles, when I was in New York a couple weeks ago one of the activities on the agenda, which in hindsight deserved a blog bost dedicated specifically to just that, was a visit to Bratenders for a professional bra measurement, and selection of a corsette for under my wedding dress. To abridge the experience, let’s just say it required checking all modesty at the door, and fully embracing the experience of being poked, prodded, and sucked-in while standing essentially naked in front of a bra expert. A passing reference in this blog post simply does not capture the nuanced richness of the experience, but I will tell you one concrete lesson I learned that day:

My bra size is not 42 C as I thought before. It is 36 DD. Yikes!!!

This revelation led me to making a decision yesterday to ditch all my old bras, and investt in a whole new set yesterday. I tried on probably 29 different bra styles in the theoretically appropriate new size (still reeling over double dee’s) and settled on 2 styles, in 4 different colors. I snapped this picture in the car giggling to myself about how I would definitely have to mention in Lovenotlipo about how not psyched I am that a 36DD means a 4 hook closure:

I have to admit, today was the unveiling, and I think that professional bra fitter knows what the heck is the deal!!!

One lesson learned is that a proper fitting bra makes a big difference. But the broader lesson learned is that comparing, wishing, or trying to be something that you’re not, will always leave you feeling less than, empty, or at best- physically uncomfortable.  Whether we’re talking about lamenting not looking like the mannequin in Spanx, instead of celebrating the $11 suit from Japan, or squeezing your flesh into 2 cutting hooks instead of embracing the 4 that leave you feeling comfier, and looking sexier in a T-shirt, the solution is to just be your best you, not the second (or third) best of somebody else.

 

 

 

Weekend Update

Saturday, Aug. 4th 2012

I really want to be back in the habit of writing in my blog far more frequently. Busy is not an excuse. We are only as busy as we think we are. The things that are our priorities, we always somehow find time for. Fear of writer’s block can keep me away from my computer sometimes, thinking either the things that I want to say are too scary or revealing, or alternatively, just too boring. Boring or juicy…what a dilemma!

For the last two weeks, my routine had been disrupted because of getting home late every night. I am sleep obsessed and do everything in my power to get 8 hours of sleep for optimal physical and mental functioning to best carry out everything I load on my plate. Thus, getting up at 5 a.m. to write and/or workout, was not always happening the last two weeks. I was so looking forward to this weekend so that I could get up early, when the world was still asleep and lounge on my porch, catch up on my inspiration, and write. The other morning I bought this mug on an impulse when I went in to get an iced coffee, thinking it would be fun to have a new mug on Saturday morning in which to have my coffee.

Somehow when I don’t plan ahead, the weekend seems to slip away from me, but when I map out the things I want to do, for my businesses, and for my relaxation, and for my fitness, I can fit in everything. I started on the porch this morning, which was nice, but as the world woke up, I got distracted by all the traffic, and moved to the sunporch in the back of my house.

  

One of my favorite things I like to do is look at things to inspire me to set the tone for my weekend.

So I shopped and picked out clothes for my rehearsal dinner and honeymoon…

Browsed the fitness sites and inspiring stories of weight training and clean eating….

And worked on my private practice, and my Arbonne business.

And I planned out what we’re going to eat this week…

(I was kinda bummed to see that I gained one pound on weigh in day. However, I have made a decision to continue to follow weight watchers regardless of what happens with my weight, because I think it is the most balanced eating I have had in years. Balance and health are my goals. I’m pretty fly just how I am, afterall.)

Breakfast: Frozen Vanilla Banana Arbonne protein shake: 5 points

Snack one: Granny Smith Apple and Cheese: 2 points

Lunch: Turkey Veggie Sandwich: 6 points

Snack two: Firey Roasted Chickpeas: 3 points

Dinner: Healthy Buffalo Chicken “Pizzas” and Green Salad: 5 points

Snack 3: Edy’s Mango Real Fruit Bar

I’m headed off to the gym now. I will post later about my workout, just to ensure I go have a good one!!

 

Posted by Love Hungry | in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

W’s Galore! Weddings and Weight Watchers.

Sunday, Jul. 29th 2012

The wedding is completely real now. 3 months to go! I have been having the time of my life planning this most special day of my life, and the additional gift has been a completely healthy relationship with food and my body leading up to it. I lived the roller coaster for many years of setting outrageous weight loss goals for a specific, day, trip, event, chapter, and always ended up feeling less then, and inadequate once the end point was upon me. I made a decision early on in this process to enjoy the journey and accept myself exactly as I was at this very moment, as if the wedding were tomorrow. And it really worked! Removing the power struggle of wanting to be “perfect” for my perfect day, allowed me to enjoy a slow and mindful process of preparing for my wedding. I have remained active, followed weight watchers since May, and have benefitted from a respectable 10 pound weight loss, and an overall feeling of health and well being.

We have made some day trips to Vermont to work on the wedding details….

 

And New York to work on my unbelievable dress…. (I am refraining from putting pictures of the intial draping of the dress, because I want Todd to be completely suprised on our wedding day.)

  

Afterwards we had such a lovely dinner in Manhattan…

 

These will forever be etched in my brain as some of the happiest days of my life.

I have consciously worked to become a person who allows myself to feel joy in the present. So often I used to not realize how good something was until it was a memory I looked back on. I am grateful that I am not distracted by an eating disorder or obsessive body image issues anymore…or else I may have missed all this.

 

 

 

Posted by Love Hungry | in abundance, family, feeling feelings, wedding | No Comments »

When the Life Coach Needs a Life Coach!!!

Sunday, Jul. 1st 2012

Many people have trouble asking for help. I have trouble knowing when I *need* help. My friends always say that because I am a therapist I have trouble being on the opposite couch, so to speak, but I always argue that it was my inherent personality that made me decide to be a therapist. To be blunt, I think I know everything. I think I can help others develop skills to help them be successful and happy, and I think I know the skills to make myself successful and happy, and if I don’t feel successfull and happy, I’m simply not working hard enough at it.

Having a couple weeks of feeling bad is a humbling and necessary process. For I have to be brought to my knees before I am willing to acknowledge that I may need an alternative perspective, a reminder, a confidence booster, a new plan, a hug, or some combination of the aforementioned. I asked for help last week, from someone who has known me since I was 16 years old, and someone who has seen me at my sickest, and someone whom I have not seen for a long time. It was hard to ignore that warm buzzing sense of comort and security flooding  through me almost instantly as I walked into her foyer. I rambled for a few minutes, searching for words to describe the angst I have been experiencing, which mostly boils down to a disconnect between what I want in my head, to what I am able to deliver from my heart. “It sounds to me as simple as The Life Coach needs a Life Coach!” she remarked, and I exhaled. “Yes.”

I left that afternoon with a new plan in place, and a reminder that all of my feelings that used to be submerged somewhere deep inside the murkiness of an eating disorder, are in plain sight these days. The bad news: I hurt more sometimes. The good news: I no longer binge, purge, restrict, or obsess about my body to avoid acknowledging the fact that I am a living breathing creature, with a life full of promise and possibility.

When my spirit has been suffering, I try to feed it with nutrients that heal. Summer foods provide such lovely options!!!

Arbonne Chocolate Raspberry Shake: 10 oz unsweetened almond milk, 1 cup frozen raspberries, 2 scoops chocolate Arbonne shake mix, dash of cinnamon.

Mango Turkey Melt

Grilled BBQ chicken and Grilled Vegetables with Mangos and Salsa Verde

“Garbage Salads” (summer leftovers thrown together for grilled, smokey, crispy deliciousness)

Egg white omlettes with flavor bursting fillings: sundried tomatoes, garlic, green olives and mushrooms

Although I am pushing through some professional, creative, and personal stresses, this has still been a season of fitness, nutrition, and gorgeous summer fun and sun.

   

 

 

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